isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
