I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
