Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
