i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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