Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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