I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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