I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
