Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
