And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
