some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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