Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
