There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
