I bet he comes in French.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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