his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
