Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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