He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
