I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
