Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
