dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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