There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
