Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
