Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
