Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
