I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
