An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
