WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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