Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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