I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
