a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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