4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
