If that was your dad, he is hot
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
