OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
