I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
