your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
