Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
