Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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