The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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