She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
