Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
