Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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