I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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