I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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