Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
