I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
