sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
