i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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