Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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