somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
