I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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