i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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