Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
