Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
