He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize