the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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