So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He passed out mid-signature
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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