Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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