Your dad touched me again.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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