3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
