Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.