I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.