I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment