Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?