He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize