Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drunk is not a location!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.