Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?