thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
