I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
