You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
