He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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