she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
3 2 1 whiskey
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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