I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
