the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
