did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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