im about as happy as oj after his trial
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Life is so much better after having sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize