Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
