just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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