I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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