i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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